Worst. Decision. Ever. F. M. L.
Tuesday, May 27, 2014
Relive these moments over and over
After some fact checking, the final manuscript of this blog was sent to our publisher. You should be seeing the complete book roll onto shelves mid-June. You can pick up your copy for $29.95. All proceeds will go to paying for this trip.
Monday, May 26, 2014
N64 is MVP
A little quieter this time around. Nobody tossed up anything yet. Maybe we're maturing in our old age, although the pics and videos floating around from last night could say otherwise.
Troy pulled a super shift and now Brent is TCB. Just had some pretty good bbq in stillwater.
High stakes game of Mario Golf currently in action. Things are getting tense. A few of us are still not speaking after a few rounds of blackjack.
DL is already home...we hear Adam may be another story.
Also, just being in Kansas makes my skin crawl. God I hate the Jayhawks.
Oklahoma ordered some dick...
...and Troy is currently delivering his and making it his bitch. The roads are a little worse for the wear but Brent doesn't seem to mind and sleeping right through it...wait can someone make sure he is actually back there sleeping. Eta 1:30 (it could be worse, we could have missed our flight out of Dallas)
Goodbye Texas
It was fun while it lasted. My liver will never be the same. Saw some old friends and took shots with some new ones.
On another note, here are pics of the Worlds Largest Casino from the highway. Thank god we chose to stay a few miles north at the Worlds Shittiest Casino on the way down. Not bitter at all.
Sunday, May 25, 2014
Saturday, May 24, 2014
<3
I just pooped in Jim's palatial new home. It felt good. Not great. Good.
Neighbors are not pleased about the RV but in a sense, who is?
Quick story from last night
So we are all hanging out on a bar patio when a friendly, larger gal wearing a moo moo approaches seeking a date for the evening. After Troy was able to escape, she turns her attention to Brent. She approaches Brent and I with the line "when are we going to hang out without all these people?" I say "should i leave?". She responds with "No, you can come too." She wasnt kidding. We ran away.
Wedding planner!
Jim's wedding planner is history's greatest monster. I want her to die in front of most of the people she loves, today. What a ridiculous box.
She reassigned the walk-up order (by height, god I run so hot) and when informed that the bride had an order, she straight-out rejected it. That's normal human behavior.
Also we fucked up the walk-up so she made us do it again. She said it looked sloppy.
Friday, May 23, 2014
First Bar
Jim drankin a Lone Star beer with a whiskey soda splash of bitters back...Ashley still denying he lives on the east side of Des Moines.
Pool Life
We made it to the hotel. Nice little place. Wonder if it has any idea whats in store.
Currently reviewing the pool. Cant convince anyone to jump in.
Shots for breakfast
When waiting for a Mexican breakfast the owner offered free shots..... It was 9am. We felt obligated. When in Rome.
Egg Squares
Mmmmmm. Delicious. Thanks DL! In a few short hours, Rob will awake to see he missed out. Side note: hellllllooooooo Texas!
Good morning
It was a cold cold night...but coffeewad purchased and on the road again. It took every ounce of all that is holy to not purchase a ready made corn dog for breakfast to start this day. 
Best casino ever.
Just kidding, what a fucking abortion. I want to murder four people then convert six. How do you run a casino where table games stop at 10pm? If guns were legal in this state ... Sigh.
Thursday, May 22, 2014
Waiting for Godot
....just kidding waiting for the casino. I have 60 miles to get all fucked up (DIDN'T KILL ANYONE FUCK YOU TONY) before i mangle a 1/2nl table until they force me to leave. I bet my sweaty slowpitch jersey and "fish fear me" hat will get me tons of respect.
13:1 I get called a fag by 2am. 4:1 everyone is too passed out to let me in the RV.
Almost There
Still on the road. Dan behind the wheel. Mario Golf on the tube. RC and Dubs working the stereo. Just finished a Mikes because Im really tough. Approaching ok city with tonights destination of Treasure Valley casino.
All winnings = Jims party
Honky Love
Rob bought a "fish fear me" $7 hat so he could fit in with the homeless honkys outside of the gas station, then proceeded to get in the RV and request Miley "We Cant Stop." I wish I was kidding.
Brent is slamming Mike's Hard Lemonade like a boss.
Dan is driving with Roch keeping him company on her phone.
Someone feet still stink....
Oklahoma
Everything I thought it would be.
Just finished a rousing game of Heads Up. I dominated.
Rob still driving and havnt crashed us yet...though we all seem to be drinking faster out of fear.
Working on a vodka and sprite (thanks troy) and 311 playing...things could be worse.
Sold some stuff...
Picked up a $1 lottery ticket...lost, teriyaki jerky snuff which was a success, sunflower seeds, honey buns, laffytaffy and a monster. #notdriving
Why I became religious
So RC is driving...God help us all.
Reporting live from nowhere kansas. Just downed a cap n coke and now working on a golden.
Just hit a few rumble strips while typing....
Also had to make a quick pit stop to reset the generator. Apparently the AC, fridge, stereo, and 4 phone chargers was too much for her.
Foreman was a badass
I learned a lot about my new roommates while cooking dinner on the road.
- Tony has an old man stomach.
- Rob like his meat burnt
- Brent doesn't eat and drive (very respectable)
- Kelly likes it raw
- Aaron doesn't know how he likes his burgers, and he would prefer just eating the cheese
- Roch knows how she likes her meat
- Troy will actually eat meat without ketchup
- And the Foreman is currently the front-runner for trip MVP
Pyro City
Yep, we in Missou. Just past Pyro City. Now in the middle of a down pour. Wonder where we are? check radar, right in the middle of the red.
Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man
My mom called this morning to ... I don't really know, say bye? But yeah - she goes "its kind of bad but when I heard Jim got engaged my first thought was, 'to a girl?'"
I pointed out to her that yeah, that's bad and not really "kind of" ... Also that she knew a handful of Jim's girlfriends in high school, and also also who in the fuck thinks things like that in 2014 because Michael Sam cured homophobia and apparently my half-bigot mom did not get the memo or watch SportsCenter.
She has known Jim for about 20 years. It might have come up once or twice in that time that he had significant others. Context clues, G-Unit. Use 'em.
Mile 5: Ford the river or pay the ferry?
(Obv you ford. It takes 90 seconds to start a new game, and you don't have any extra yokes anyway)
Current XM track: "Insane in the Membrane" which makes sense. The RV handles like I imagine Tilikum did in that shitbox Canadian place at the beginning of "Blackfish." If you are a whale trainer on or near I-35 south, you are fucked. We comin'.
Only two more days til imminent death and/or nuptials.
On the roaf
We have made it to I-35. 'burns behind the wheel. I got Friday shift....
Troy brought N64 so I will be running the Mario Golf shortly.
Check...check...
...1...2
My phone is old and crappy, hope this works.
Still sitting at work...hydrating
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)